Help with history personal statement

[Guest]

I am currently really struggling with my history personal statement. I am trying to write a good first paragraph but seem only to be able to come up with boring cliches - the problem is that for me the cliche of loving history as a child is true. anyway i stumbled upon this website/messageboard and hoped someone would be able to help

this is what ive got so far (i know its really bad but just dont know where to go)

'History captivated me as a child and I read many works of historical and mythological fiction, becoming intrigued in the different worlds offered to me. I wanted to investigate these worlds, to learn and understand more and further fuelled this with visits to landmarks such as Hadrian’s Wall and Stonehenge. I still have that enthusiasm and as I have grown older, I now recognise how these past times have had a profound impact not just on my own childhood interest and enjoyment but also the world as it is today. This and the motivation I have gained from GCSE and A level History have confirmed to me that I want to take my study to degree level.'

also, my statement altogether is far too long, does anyone have advice on what they felt was best to cut out or how they did it? im thinking a thesaurus but i just dont know if it would cut enough out. but writing aobut work experience extra thingsa, hobbies and interests and employment and things you do in school sems to take up a huge amount of space

thanks for your help

Carmel

[ijakings]

The first sentence is always the hardest so don't despair

There's nothing wrong with loving you're subject since you were young - you've just got to get it across in an original way.

One way of doing this is to avoid mentioning yourself at all in the first statement (I know this sounds odd given it's a personal statement) and just concentrate on your subject, then link this with yourself in the second sentence. E.g.:

History... [some statement about history allowing you to discover other worlds in times gone by]. I wanted to investigate these worlds, to learn and understand more.

Or alternatively:

History... [stuff about how history shapes the world today/learning from history] I now recognise how these past times have had a profound impact not just on my own childhood interest and enjoyment but also the world as it is today.

Of course that's just my opinion - you can also look at some of our personal statement collection http://www.studential.com/personalstatements/default.asp to see how other people started theirs.

[Guest]

thank you i can see what you mean - it sounds much more concise and to the point but also more genuine. and i will look at some of the others. the only thing about looking at others is the temptation/accidental paraphrasing etc but ive basically got it all written now so it will be helpful with structure. thank you very much i appreciate your help

[ijakings]

Hey no problem If you find the examples useful please consider donating your personal statement to Studential after you've applied and got all your offers.

Out of interest which universities are you thinking of applying to?

[Guest]

at the moment, (i live in the south and am only allowed to apply in the south) im thikning of bristol, exeter, southampton, cardiff, royal holloway and either kings college or birmingham for history. (unless the careers advisor confuses me on monday) im predicted 3 A's after getting 4A's and a C at AS level so hopefully if i can pull off the personal statement i might get a few offers. and thanks for the abbreviation advice - that was me too . yeah id be pleased to post it up once its done and im happy with it, tho its a while away from that at the moment! :S

[ijakings]

Cool - good luck! I don't know which uni's have a good reputation for history, but you've picked out some pretty good unis there - I know people at Bristol and Southampton and they're having a great time, and my brother's going to Exeter this year.

Just one other though - with those grades you could easily apply to Oxbridge. Maybe you've already considered history at Oxford and Cambridge and decided it's not for you, though if not you might want to consider read a few prospectuses.

[carmelmarie]

Thanks very much. i did already look at oxbridge, but decided against it for a few reasons - one was that i know some people there who are struggling with the workload, and i know i hate to feel pressurised and oxbridge is gonna have many incredibly clever people. some people love the challenge and thats great but i prefer to feel comfortable with what i can do and i think the universities i have chosen are comfortably good and will push me but not so much that i get down about it.

also - i wasn't expecting to get those grades at AS, particularly as i moved from north yorkshire to salisbury last year which was incredibly traumatic for all sorts of reasons, so i was amazed when i opened the envelope. its nice to hear people ar enjoying themselves at bristol and southampton as those two are high on my priority list, but i dont really want to choose yet as i have no idea which if any will offer me places :S

[Guest]

Hey,

My personal statement was too long as well. I cut out most of the stuff about future careers coz most unis r interested but not overly bothered, skills i'd gained from work and other subjects got cut down a bit as well. If you've done any work experience really emphasise it cz that way they know you've been making the effort to further your interest in history in your own time. same goes for reading. At the end of the day its the stuff that'll be most useful to you at uni doin history that should stay.

Alternatively you could (i think someone might have said this already) just make what you're sayin more concise/simple. Sometimes they like it better anyway coz its easy to get all the important information from just one read through.

Hope this helps!

Kate ; )