hotel managnt ps!!

[peaceful_blossom]

First thing I have to say that it looks very long, Are you sure its going to fit in?

Secondly, All the points I have made are just possible ways of improvement and you do not need to use them. Hopefully it helps.

Hospitality and tourism today are the most successful dynamic industries, their global importance continues to grow and ever increasing number of national economies are dependent on them. This popular and long established degree course will open the doors to a wide number of employment options. This is why it is an exciting and fascinating period in both commercial and economic world to study Hospitality Management.

I would not start of the personal statement giving out fact about the world around. But why you want to do it?

Yes it’s a big thing but why does it appeal to you?

Very wordy I would try to but more meaning in to it.

I took Science subjects at the start of GCE O levels according to my parents advice, but the subject that I was interested in was Business Studies because as a child I used to fantasy that I have my own big hotel with big cars, driving in big celebrities and I thought the key to this hotels door is Business Studies at that moment because I did not have any Hospitality Management option at that time.

Are you a mature student? Because you did O Levels? Sorry what is O levels?

Reading this paragraph is a little big headed.

It’s telling me that the only reason you want to do this course is because it will give you lots of money?

What if you don’t get that much money?

What do you enjoy about management? Why this course from all the others? And I wouldn’t say its because it will allow me to be rich.

So I switched my subjects to Business Studies, Psychology and Math during my A levels. Even though not having any background for Business Studies from O levels, I spend many hours on my academics and continued to excel in school, achieving good grades in my class tests. Throughout Business Studies, to complement what has been taught I have researched real-life business solutions and how they have been implemented, such as the responsive marketing used by Coca Cola to prolong their business cycle and sustain major profitability.

I think its great that you found out that business studies is for you. And that you put lots of work into getting your grades.

But what about business studies do you like? Whats the difference between BS and Sciences?

Mathematics is a pivotal subject on which so many others depend. I relish the challenge of problem solving that Mathematics provides. For me, it is an endlessly intriguing subject, as the discipline appears limitless, allowing so much scope for further study and research.

If that’s what Maths help you with then that’s fine. But how are these ‘skills’ going to help you with the future career?

Studying Psychology gives me insight into human influences on organizational behavior (behaviour??) through studying motivational theories such as the hierarchy of needs model proposed by Maslow, whilst the course work has developed my skills in collecting and analysis data in order to establish trends and draw conclusions.

Again how are these ‘skills’ going to help you with the future career/course?

I have greatly improved in English Language after my GCSE’s and will be appearing for TOEFEL this month.

That’s fine. Not sure what TOEFEL is though?

I have a great passion for Hospitality Management. My father is operating a restaurant in Berlin, Germany and here in Pakistan. Whenever I get time I assist him with his work, therefore I know how to manage customers and a lot about catering.

Ahh your from Pakistan that’s where all the O levels come from. Are you apply to English unis?

You know how to manage? Like? How? What skills do you need? etc

Being appointed as Deputy Head Boy in the sixth form was a great honour to me. My skills were greatly enhanced by holding this position, as I would often have to listen, and respond to issues brought up by fellow prefects, and students lower down the school.

What skills? Team work? Leadership? Communication?

Through activities such as Lunch duty, I learnt the worth of different leadership skills, and that it is important to treat everyone as an individual in order to get results. I was always keen to stay into the evening to help out at school events. Last winters I worked for successful food industry Kolson as a Sales person in an Exhibition for 3 days it was a great experience. I am a committed member of my schools cricket and basketball team, I have captained team in previous seasons which required leadership, confidence and diligence.

You list some skills here! Try to lick all the experience up and talk about them. Maybe write about team work? What does it involve?

In my spare time, I enjoy music, going to the gym and socializing. I am a regular of Financial Times, enjoy keeping up with current affairs and business news and reading variety of books, both fiction and non-fiction such as ‘Making It Happen’ (J. Harvey-Jones) where his common sense approach complements the management theories of more staid texts.

I would be tempted not to put information on the ‘making it happen’ unless you inspired you somehow?

This degree will equip me for my career in the unpredictable and fast moving world of commerce.
When I envision my life some years from now, I imagine two possible scenarios. In the first, I am standing in front of a boardroom of a profitable Hotel, assisting executives in solving a central challenge to their company's maximum functioning. The other image could not be more different: in this vision, I am working to my bolster my own fledgling Hotel.

Its good that you have high aims but try not to be ‘big headed’

I believe that my experiences have prepared me for independent university life. My social skills together with my ambition to succeed in life prove me to be good candidate for a Hospitality Management Degree. I would love to pursue a career in the field of Hospitality and I believe my choice of institutions matches my capabilities as well as my aspirations to become a successful Hospitality manager.

Overall a okay personal statement.

I little too wordy in many places so I would try to make it flow more.

Some good things written.

Sorry quick look, busy at the moment with exams.

Hope it helps.