personal statement for oxford :S

[Guest]

I am really struggling with this.

I hate writeing about myself.


Can anyone improve this paragraph for me??


Being involved in the Guide Association for over 10 years has given me the opportunity to work as a youth leader with young children, and gain leadership qualifications, which have given me confidence to take on responsibility and communicate to a wide range of people. It has also given me the opportunity to build on my enthusiasm for the environment, through organising conservation projects, including tree planting in my local area. This project had great importance because it enabled the children to be able to have a positive impact on the area they are growing up in.

[Athena]

Being involved in the Guide Association for over 10 years has given me the opportunity to work as a youth leader with young children, and gain leadership qualifications, which have given me confidence to take on responsibility and communicate to a wide range of people. It has also given me the opportunity to build on my enthusiasm for the environment, through organising conservation projects, including tree planting in my local area. This project had great importance because it enabled the children to be able to have a positive impact on the area they are growing up in.

"Being involved in the Guide Association for over 10 years has given me the opportunity to work as a youth leader with young children, and gain leadership qualifications, which allows me to confidently take on responsibility and communicate to a wide range of people. (I feel this is important because... might be something you could add in here.) It has also given me the opportunity to build on my enthusiasm for the environment, through organising conservation projects, including tree planting in my local area. This project had great importance because it enabled the children to be able to have a positive impact on the area they are growing up in."

What subject are you applying for? If it's geographyor sociology/psychology, that's a great section, but otherwise, you could probably make it shorter... if the interviewers are interested they'll ask you why tree planting is important.

I changed one of your "given" sentences. Looking back through my PS, I found I'd repeated several phrases in a short space, and it evidently didn't hinder (although I cringe when I read it now!).

It's a good section - shows you do more than just work at school, that you're altruistic and that you're aware of the benefits to your personal development.