I'm applying for a physics degree (yeh i know i'm late, but i've been out in France for the past 3 months!) and have started on my personal statement. I wanted to see what others thought of it, some have said it's too wordy so I need some constructive critisicsm please, and advice on how to make it better.
It has always been true that to be able to understand that which is all around us is man’s greatest desire. In Physics, this ambition is shown most fundamentally by its yearning to understand the very roots of existence and its belief that one day it will uncover the truth to the one question that has eluded all of those who have asked it, ‘Why are we here?’. From an early age, I have marvelled at the simple but elegant theories that rationalize seemingly impossible physical phenomena, leading me to the decision that Physics was the subject I wanted to pursue above all others.
This is the opening paragraph, does it shape up ok?
Whoops, that was the old version..!!
It has always been true that to be able to understand that which is all around us is man’s greatest desire. In Physics, this ambition is shown most fundamentally. With its yearning to understand the very roots of existence and a belief that one day it will uncover the truth to the one question that has eluded all of those who have asked it, ‘What is the reason of being?’. From an early age, I have marvelled at the theories that have, with such elegance and simplicity, explained some of the universe’s most complex phenomena, altering our perceptions and expanding our minds. The allure of being better able to grasp this phenomenon has led me to pursue a degree in Physics.
that is the finished paragraph!
D'oh!!!
This is really the final cut!
It has always been true that to be able to understand that which is all around us is man’s greatest desire. I believe that in Physics, this ambition is shown most fundamentally. With its yearning to understand the very roots of existence and a belief that one day it will uncover the truth to the one question that has eluded all of those who have asked it, ‘What is the reason of being?’. From an early age, I have marvelled at the theories that have, with such elegance and simplicity, explained some of the universe’s most complex phenomena, altering our perceptions and expanding our minds. The allure of being better able to grasp this phenomenon has led me to pursue a degree in Physics.
ok grammar spruced up...
It has always been true that to be able to understand that which is all around us is man’s greatest desire. I believe that in Physics, this ambition is shown most fundamentally, with its yearning to understand the very roots of existence and a belief that one day it will uncover the truth to the one question that has eluded all of those who have asked it, ‘What is the reason of being?’. From an early age, I have marvelled at the theories that have, with such elegance and simplicity, explained some of the universe’s most complex phenomena, altering our perceptions and expanding our minds. The allure of being better able to grasp this phenomenon has led me to pursue a degree in Physics.
Better?
It has always been true that to be able to understand that which is all around us is man’s greatest desire. I believe that in Physics, this ambition is shown most fundamentally/emphatically, with its yearning to understand the very roots of existence and a belief that one day it will uncover the truth to the question of our ‘being’ that has so far eluded all that have cared to ask it. From an early age, I have marvelled at the theories that have, with such elegance and simplicity, explained some of the universe’s most complex phenomena, altering our perceptions of everything and expanding our minds. The allure of being better able to grasp this phenomenon has led me to pursue a degree in Physics.
Sorry, I keep finding little faults, here is the last one before I go to bed, please if possible can someone delete all the other posts in this thread above ^ ?
It has always been true that to be able to understand that which is all around us is man’s greatest desire. I believe that in Physics, this strive for knowledge is shown most emphatically, with its yearning to understand the very roots of existence and a belief that one day, it will uncover the truth to the question of our ‘being’ that has so far eluded all those that have dared to ask it. From an early age, I have marvelled at the theories that have, with such elegance and simplicity, explained some of the universe’s most complex phenomena, constantly changing our perceptions and expanding our minds. The allure of being better able to grasp this phenomenon has led me to pursue a degree in Physics.
