Plzzz I need some honest comments

[rokeyyakazi]

dis is my into for history and politcs
honest comments and recomendations wanted plzzzz


History and its influence on contemporary society is an area of deep fascination for me. As a child visiting museums I merely marvelled at the stories of the past. Yet as the study of history become more varied and challenging and my interest intensified, I came to realise that it is almost impossible to make sense of the contemporary political world without a sense of what went before. Thus my interest in politics became equally absorbing.

I wish to futher my studies at university, not only for the knowledge that I will gain from the course, but also for the experience of university life has to offer. Although I am aware of the demands of University my nature as an enthusiastic and committed individual means that I look forward to the academic and social challenges of university.I feel that studying histrory will give me the oppurtunity to broaden my understanding and knowledge of human beings, societies, their history and development. Futhermore it will help me develop as an individaul bygiving me the oppurtunity to develop new skills. Therefore although I feel unable to predict a career, the unique insight into society will stand me in good stead in any profession I choose to follow

[Guest]

You're talking about yourself too much. Opening paragraph ok but talk more about history and politics as a discipline to study. Get rid of the first line - it's about you. Start off with something punchy and original about history - maybe an event or era that really interests you and you know a lot about. Perhaps say that the present day and the past are enterwined somehow.
Second paragrraph is a bit wishy washy. History is a popular subject, you need to stand out more!

My opening paragraph was

Opinions, ideas and knowledge of history are influenced and shaped through heritage and archaeological sites, museums, buildings, and remains. Therefore, to have the ability to define heritage is crucial to ensure our capability to interpret our great past. The establishment of prominent sites, such as Stonehenge, Grimes Graves and Blenheim Palace, demonstrate the importance of museums and heritage management to maintain a national and international interest in our past.

I've already had 3 offers and still waiting to hear about the rest so my ps must have made a good impression.

Good luck.

[aj200019]

I noticed that alot of people always start their opening statement with 'as a child'. Really need to avoid this avenue. I agree with the above, do something a bit more quirky or start with a quote maybe. Don't take my comments literally as i'm not an expert but thats my spin on things for the opening line!

[Kittah]

Try not to sound to "posh", just write how you would talk to someone (obviously not too common ) I've got all 6 offers for a Maths degree in sort-after unis and when I went to one particular uni they pointed out the fact that I didn't sound pretenious. So don't try to be something your not because if it comes to an interview etc, they'll be expecting someone else.
Hope this helps
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