22/03/2010, 04:44 PM
It feels like you're just rattling off your life story - although your achievements are excellent.
I think you should pick about 4 things you think heavily contributed to your decision to do International Business and talk about them in 4 paragraphs. The final two should be used to explain your past successes.
As I said - that's me personally. There needs to be more paragraphs overall though. It's quite tedious to read that much information.
Sorry I haven't said enough praise, but I hope my criticisms prove useful.
I think you should pick about 4 things you think heavily contributed to your decision to do International Business and talk about them in 4 paragraphs. The final two should be used to explain your past successes.
As I said - that's me personally. There needs to be more paragraphs overall though. It's quite tedious to read that much information.
Sorry I haven't said enough praise, but I hope my criticisms prove useful.