10/09/2006, 09:12 AM
Hi there, after a quick reading through here's a couple of points. Though I don't usually review personal statements so don't take my comments to seriously:
The first paragraph is a bit over-long without saying much about your subject - before the last sentence I thought you might be applying for biology! I think you could get rid of almost all of it and start with the second paragraph which is effective enough in showing your enthusiasm.
Secondly there may be no need to mention chronic fatigue, you could ask your referee to put it in the reference which would free up some space.
You could also take out the last paragraph, as the penultimate one ends fine.
Hope that helps you.
The first paragraph is a bit over-long without saying much about your subject - before the last sentence I thought you might be applying for biology! I think you could get rid of almost all of it and start with the second paragraph which is effective enough in showing your enthusiasm.
Secondly there may be no need to mention chronic fatigue, you could ask your referee to put it in the reference which would free up some space.
You could also take out the last paragraph, as the penultimate one ends fine.
Hope that helps you.