16/02/2007, 04:26 PM
//I am a bright, capable and friendly student from Cheltenham, Gloucestershire. I have been brought up here and I am now looking to study in another part of the country to expand my knowledge, experience and life skills.//
-> Not a good way to start a personal statement. You should start off by mentioning the most inspiring factor of your career choice that has impelled you to take this up seriously.
//I have an interest in many different areas of life, but particularly in property and structures.//
->Please, no ambiguous sentences. Everyone has different interests, its obvious. Be more specific, focus on justifying your decision to take up this career by citing examples in a more professional fashion.
//For the last few years I have becoming more and more aware that this subject has an amazing potential to be something I can be a part of and add to.//
-> Check the grammar! Flaws and typographical errors get your application thrown out immediately without second thoughts.
//Working with him part time during school holidays for many years, I gained a wide range of knowledge of everything 'hands on' including mixing concrete, measuring, power tools and basic brick laying and joinery. At present I still work with occasionally on gardening jobs, such as laying patios and turf. This has given me a good idea of how to assess and execute small projects, something which I hope to learn more about.//
-> Watch the timeline. You are describing past and present and past again in the next para. Be consistent. You dont want the reviewer to be lost. It looks like you have just put your thoughts into paper without organizing them in the first place.
//My interest in property has grown over several years, to the point where I have decided to expand my knowledge of this subject further and work towards it as a career.//
->Redundancy not appreciated. This is the third time you have mentioned your desire to expand your knowledge base. Please make sure you eliminate these.
//In my spare time I enjoy playing piano, and I have just finished setting up my home studio. I like going to live music events and keeping fit, attending a Thai boxing gym twice a week and closely follow mixed martial arts contests.//
-> Dont mention these in your SOP unless they asked for your hobbies explicitly. You attending thai boxing gym is by noway going to influence their decision to give you an admit for the course related to properties and structures.
Final Comments...
Organize your data correctly. Start with schooling, personal experiences and then finally some projects you undertook and so on. Figure it out for yourself on how to order your essay.
Good luck.
Sam Collins.
P.S: Go through the FAQs posted in the UCAS forms and personal statements section on the top to get a clear understanding of the steps involved in writing a personal essay. Also, you find different essay theme styles, which you can use in your essay to make it more interesting and readable.
-> Not a good way to start a personal statement. You should start off by mentioning the most inspiring factor of your career choice that has impelled you to take this up seriously.
//I have an interest in many different areas of life, but particularly in property and structures.//
->Please, no ambiguous sentences. Everyone has different interests, its obvious. Be more specific, focus on justifying your decision to take up this career by citing examples in a more professional fashion.
//For the last few years I have becoming more and more aware that this subject has an amazing potential to be something I can be a part of and add to.//
-> Check the grammar! Flaws and typographical errors get your application thrown out immediately without second thoughts.
//Working with him part time during school holidays for many years, I gained a wide range of knowledge of everything 'hands on' including mixing concrete, measuring, power tools and basic brick laying and joinery. At present I still work with occasionally on gardening jobs, such as laying patios and turf. This has given me a good idea of how to assess and execute small projects, something which I hope to learn more about.//
-> Watch the timeline. You are describing past and present and past again in the next para. Be consistent. You dont want the reviewer to be lost. It looks like you have just put your thoughts into paper without organizing them in the first place.
//My interest in property has grown over several years, to the point where I have decided to expand my knowledge of this subject further and work towards it as a career.//
->Redundancy not appreciated. This is the third time you have mentioned your desire to expand your knowledge base. Please make sure you eliminate these.
//In my spare time I enjoy playing piano, and I have just finished setting up my home studio. I like going to live music events and keeping fit, attending a Thai boxing gym twice a week and closely follow mixed martial arts contests.//
-> Dont mention these in your SOP unless they asked for your hobbies explicitly. You attending thai boxing gym is by noway going to influence their decision to give you an admit for the course related to properties and structures.
Final Comments...
Organize your data correctly. Start with schooling, personal experiences and then finally some projects you undertook and so on. Figure it out for yourself on how to order your essay.
Good luck.
Sam Collins.
P.S: Go through the FAQs posted in the UCAS forms and personal statements section on the top to get a clear understanding of the steps involved in writing a personal essay. Also, you find different essay theme styles, which you can use in your essay to make it more interesting and readable.