10/11/2006, 07:34 AM
As you said, it’s a bit long. I liked the fact that you used an inspiring teacher in your life in your statement. However, at points the statement sounded a little odd imo...
Here, doest have the same meaning of hear…
"""There was a teacher called ‘Miss Blake’ (WHO has inspired me to become a teacher) WHO pulled me through the tough years of growing up, taught me about right from wrong, having her along my side as a teenager has made me who I am today."""
To be honest, the overall language can be much better at times... taught me (about) right from wrong, you don’t need the about here...
You could start your personal statement a little better. In your case, you might need to use the word "ever since" in the beginning which makes it a whole lot better.
You use a lot of words to describe a simple action, when you are only allowed 4000 characters to describe yourself. This can be a bit of a problem, it might make the reader somewhat bored, and it might give a bad impression of your personality.
I would strongly recommend you to write an alternative to that. Not that its not good, but, I don’t think its good enough. I finished my personal statement, and it took me 11 hours to complete. Sounds a lot, but the sense of achievement was exhilarating.
Here, doest have the same meaning of hear…
"""There was a teacher called ‘Miss Blake’ (WHO has inspired me to become a teacher) WHO pulled me through the tough years of growing up, taught me about right from wrong, having her along my side as a teenager has made me who I am today."""
To be honest, the overall language can be much better at times... taught me (about) right from wrong, you don’t need the about here...
You could start your personal statement a little better. In your case, you might need to use the word "ever since" in the beginning which makes it a whole lot better.
You use a lot of words to describe a simple action, when you are only allowed 4000 characters to describe yourself. This can be a bit of a problem, it might make the reader somewhat bored, and it might give a bad impression of your personality.
I would strongly recommend you to write an alternative to that. Not that its not good, but, I don’t think its good enough. I finished my personal statement, and it took me 11 hours to complete. Sounds a lot, but the sense of achievement was exhilarating.