09/02/2007, 10:36 PM
Sounds half like you want to do a course in psychology.
"I find a great enthusiasm in finding how the English Legal System operates
and its impact on society."
You find great enthusiasm??
"My aim is to complete my degree and become involved into the legal system in more ways than one and I feel that studying LLB (Hons) in law can do this for me and leave me open to do many things in the future"
How more way than one? many thing like what?
"leave me to do many other things in the future."
Your just repeating yourself
"From when I was in primary school I had great responsibility from being a prefect and writing for the weekly school newspaper"
At primary school???
"In my spare time I enjoy researching the internet as to researching my favorite authors from Ray Brandbury"
you say from Ray Brandbury then follow this up with "also" and go on to a totally new topic. Its good to say you enjoy researching, but this statement is there only to say that and has no substance.
"I work at a Argos and I feel that it has improved my interpersonal and communication skills. I have risen to the challenge of the responsibility of dealing with money and the general public."
Don't use a company name unless it is relevant, in this case like a law firm. Dealing with the public and money at Argos doesn't really show much ambition (sorry), should look at your achievements rather than I take 200 quid off some random guy wanting a new BBQ, any 16 year old with a snotty nose can do that.
Sorry if some of the comments are a bit arrogant, but I feel you need to reread what you write in a judgmental manor. There is nothing wrong with mentioning psychology, but don't over do it like you have and finally write more about law itself as almost 2/3 of the statement has nothing to do with it.
"I find a great enthusiasm in finding how the English Legal System operates
and its impact on society."
You find great enthusiasm??
"My aim is to complete my degree and become involved into the legal system in more ways than one and I feel that studying LLB (Hons) in law can do this for me and leave me open to do many things in the future"
How more way than one? many thing like what?
"leave me to do many other things in the future."
Your just repeating yourself
"From when I was in primary school I had great responsibility from being a prefect and writing for the weekly school newspaper"
At primary school???
"In my spare time I enjoy researching the internet as to researching my favorite authors from Ray Brandbury"
you say from Ray Brandbury then follow this up with "also" and go on to a totally new topic. Its good to say you enjoy researching, but this statement is there only to say that and has no substance.
"I work at a Argos and I feel that it has improved my interpersonal and communication skills. I have risen to the challenge of the responsibility of dealing with money and the general public."
Don't use a company name unless it is relevant, in this case like a law firm. Dealing with the public and money at Argos doesn't really show much ambition (sorry), should look at your achievements rather than I take 200 quid off some random guy wanting a new BBQ, any 16 year old with a snotty nose can do that.
Sorry if some of the comments are a bit arrogant, but I feel you need to reread what you write in a judgmental manor. There is nothing wrong with mentioning psychology, but don't over do it like you have and finally write more about law itself as almost 2/3 of the statement has nothing to do with it.