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HELP ME PLZ
#1
PERSONAL STATEMENT
The degree course that I have chosen to follow is LLB (Hons) Law.
I have a great passion for the topic of Law and also psychology in which I believe has a link
to law and thoroughly enjoy the two subjects. I have always enjoyed learning about different
aspects of Law, I find a great enthusiasm in finding how the English Legal System operates
and its impact on society.
In the subject psychology what I enjoy, in particular, is studying the human mind further and
also some aspects of criminal psychology which I find has a great connection to law and the
legal system.Also, looking and studying human behaviour and seeing how different types of
people function in different ways in response to their environment.
My aim is to complete my degree and become involved into the legal system in more ways than
one and I feel that studying LLB (Hons) in law can do this for me and leave me open to do
many things in the future, I have always been willing to help others in the pursuit of
justice and it will leave me to do many other things in the future.
From when I was in primary school I had great responsibility from being a prefect and writing
for the weekly school newspaper, I had my own page and designed and wrote about what I had
felt excites me the most, I had enjoyed doing this very much and had also was praised in my
efforts and my ability. I have also always had an intrest in drama and took part in all the
festival plays and always loved being part of the excitement of being involved and working as
a team and contributing towards the schools efforts.
In my spare time I enjoy researching the internet as to researching my favorite authors from
Ray Brandbury, who mostly writes short adventure stories, also generally downloading music
and finding more information about my favorite singers as to looking at there biographies and
seeing how they had developed there future over time. Over the coming years I have found the
internet more and more useful in my studies and found that it is a key success.
I work at a Argos and I feel that it has improved my interpersonal and communication skills.
I have risen to the challenge of the responsibility of dealing with money and the general
public. This experience has also enhanced my desire to go on to higher education.
My ability to motivate myself is a key factor in my overall success. I am a particularly
hardworking, reliable and enthusiastic individual and I am committed to all things I do in
reaching my goals, I always believe in trying my best in everything I do. I always work to
the best of my ability in order to achieve and have very high levels of self-discipline,
self-reliance and initiative. Most importantly, I find great intrest for Law.
how does this look ppl??????????
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#2
Sounds half like you want to do a course in psychology.

"I find a great enthusiasm in finding how the English Legal System operates
and its impact on society."

You find great enthusiasm??

"My aim is to complete my degree and become involved into the legal system in more ways than one and I feel that studying LLB (Hons) in law can do this for me and leave me open to do many things in the future"

How more way than one? many thing like what?

"leave me to do many other things in the future."

Your just repeating yourself

"From when I was in primary school I had great responsibility from being a prefect and writing for the weekly school newspaper"

At primary school???

"In my spare time I enjoy researching the internet as to researching my favorite authors from Ray Brandbury"

you say from Ray Brandbury then follow this up with "also" and go on to a totally new topic. Its good to say you enjoy researching, but this statement is there only to say that and has no substance.

"I work at a Argos and I feel that it has improved my interpersonal and communication skills. I have risen to the challenge of the responsibility of dealing with money and the general public."

Don't use a company name unless it is relevant, in this case like a law firm. Dealing with the public and money at Argos doesn't really show much ambition (sorry), should look at your achievements rather than I take 200 quid off some random guy wanting a new BBQ, any 16 year old with a snotty nose can do that.

Sorry if some of the comments are a bit arrogant, but I feel you need to reread what you write in a judgmental manor. There is nothing wrong with mentioning psychology, but don't over do it like you have and finally write more about law itself as almost 2/3 of the statement has nothing to do with it.
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#3
Hey,

Apart from what is being suggested above, I would like to add a few words. First annd foremost, the sentence constructions are not up to par. Please take your time to form grammatically correct sentences with a tinge of better vocabulary. Redundancy in information exhibits weekness in the candidate. A characteristic quality about yourself is no good without an example to prove that.

Personal Statements are an integral part of the application process. A 100% academic record is no good if you dont convey the right message through your statement. Please take ample time to go thourgh your essay and make it as appealing as possible.

Sam Collins.

P.S: please register here, so that more people can contact you directly in case of any suggestions. I am sure you will find good help here, so registration is not a waste of time.
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