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Can you give your opinion on my personal statement?
#1
It's rather rushed and I am very paranoid about it so any comments won't push my into deep despair. I would like to know what you all think though. Now might be a good time to tell you I've applied for Business Studies and Politics and Economics and Politics at an undergraduate level.


'Today's social climate is a haven of uncertainty and struggle. It is what we are bombarded with by newspaper headlines daily. Everywhere the world is seeing a shift of government policies and a growing hotbed of radical ideas. I believe that at the centre of this change lies our troublesome economy. Over the past two years I have been working for a small, new company. This puts me at a rather unique viewpoint of how the economy has been changing over the past two years and how businesses have had to adapt. I have seen firsthand the basic principles that drive a business forward. Businesses are what help shape our modern society and it is through the good management and success of these businesses that the economy will grow and repair itself.

My family background is not in riches. My parents have vastly bettered our financial position through their sheer hard work. They taught me these same values and I strive to do better and overcome any challenge. I have an entrepreneurial spirit and I will start my own business though I need the education to point me in the right way. I have seen and used the basic principles and the logic needed to run a successful business in very challenging circumstances over the last two years. I believe this course is ideal to perfect these principles that I have learnt and add to them.

My interests lie in politics, sports, science and the videogame industry. Science itself is a very stimulating subject and I even attended University College London to study Biochemistry. Once there I quickly realised that I enjoyed the life sciences from a layman's perspective. Applying for Biochemistry was a mistake though I learnt a lot from my experience there. I found I was able to cope with the pressure of first and second year in terms of handling deadlines and exam preparations. I thought very long and hard about leaving UCL and believed leaving was the right decision for me. Though I enjoy popular science a degree in Biochemistry was not the answer. It was not going to help me in the plans I had laid out for myself.

Videogames have absorbed a large part of my spare time and it is only within the last couple of years I have realised how much they are part of my life. Similar to someone who is really into their films, books or music, I am enthralled by videogames and the products industry itself. So much so that I have started to put together a website that features news and reviews of videogames and create a weekly podcast covering up-to-date news and discussion on the hottest topics. I find it interesting to look at videogames in a wider context and look at the philosophical and political messages that videogames give and the emotions that a game evokes. Aside from videogames I enjoy other hobbies including juggling. This was all started with buying a diabolo on holiday in Jersey then widened to a whole host of different types of juggling cumulating with becoming president of the juggling society at UCL. Though juggling isn't a particularly applicable skill unless you're a street entertainer, it does help hand-eye coordination as well as giving you something to aim towards as there is always another trick or something more elaborate.

I have had personal experience in what the current economic situation has done to a budding business. I believe that this experience makes me ideal for the course. I have my practical skill to draw on which ensures that I will be a successful candidate. I plan to start my own business one day and this course will help nurture my entrepreneurial spirit and make that reality.'
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#2
I think its not bad, but I would remove bit about Videogames
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