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Chemistry
#1
Hey, so I'm an American (though I was born in Edinburgh) applying to the University of Edinburgh. I'm not familiar with how a personal statement is supposed to be written for UK schools, but this is what I have typed up. We don't have A-levels, but we have courses called "AP" or "Advanced Placement" courses that are equivalent to university courses--so I mention those instead. Any feedback or advice on how I should change this is greatly welcomed!


Ever since I took my first chemistry course, I have been enthralled with the amount of information scientists have uncovered about substances so minute that they cannot be seen by the human eye—even through a microscope. Despite this incredibly small scale of science, its importance is monumental in environmentalism. For this reason I have pursued two and a half years of Chemistry while in high school, received a score of 5 on my AP Chemistry test, and received a score of 770 on my SAT II Chemistry subject test. To further enrich my Chemistry studies, I am currently taking AP BC Calculus and AP Biology.

In addition to these very challenging courses, I have also assumed the heavy course load of AP English Language & Composition, AP United States Government & Politics, and AP United States History. I will have taken thirty-three semesters of honors-level courses by the time I graduate high school this coming May. I also received an A in a Microeconomics course I took at the University of Chicago this summer.

My course load in high school demonstrates my ability to manage extensive work and to excel at it. I was honored as an AP Scholar, National Merit Scholarship Commended Student, and recognized as Who’s Who Among American High School Students.

However, my scientific interests extend outside the classroom. I took a course on high-energy physics at Fermilab National Laboratories in which scientists from the lab would give weekly seminars on their research which was then followed by a tour of their facilities to help us better understand how their research was conducted. I am also a member of the Science Olympiad team at my high school and compete in the Chemistry Lab, Food Science, and Five Star Science events. This team helps better prepare me not only in Chemistry, but in Biology, Physics, Earth Science, and Data Analysis skills as well through extensive study. Despite the many hours of my schedule that are dominated by science, I have found time in my daily life to pursue my passions in music and sports.

Having played the violin for nine years and the mandolin for four years, I have a lot of experience playing in orchestras, as a soloist, and in renaissance chamber music groups. More recently I have composed numerous pieces for orchestral and chamber ensembles. One of my pieces (a trio for violin, viola, and cello, entitled “Windowpane”) premiered in my high school auditorium December 2007. My orchestra recently competed in an international competition, the New York City Heritage Music Festival Orchestral Division I, and received first place and an adjudicator’s award. I am also a first chair violinist in the pit orchestra for my high school’s musicals and continue to compete internationally with my school’s Symphonic Orchestra.

Soccer, or football, is also largely important to me. I have played soccer for twelve years and am currently on a women’s team that is ranked eighth in the state of Illinois. We play and practice about nine hours a week, further constricting my schedule. In addition to playing, I am employed as a local children’s soccer referee.

I believe that my ability to manage rigorous academic work, music, and sports makes me an ideal candidate as a university Chemistry student. I have a strong background in science, as well as extensive diversity as an international student. University is an excellent way for me to expand upon the knowledge and understanding of Chemistry that I already value so dearly, as well as introduce me to others who share my sentiments and passions for this monumental subject.

~

Thanks,
Annika
United States
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#2
hi

sounds good, it's all there as far as i can see, the only thing i can think of is work experience, like saturday job or something

and why you want to go to an english uni not an american one (lol i'm not being mean, just it's quite unusual and i think you've got to be quite commited to want to travel so far for it's chem course)

so thats my thought

as to structure :S your guess is as good as mine some of the web example don't apear to have any......

anyway good luck

RQ
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#3
thank you very much for replying. i will definitely make those changes.
im just applying to university of edinburgh. i was born in edinburgh and absolutely love the city--i have also heard fabulous things about the university from the many people i have talked to about it. so it was kind of a natural thing to apply there for me.
thanks again,
Annika
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#4
Get rid of the "Soccer, or football" bit, it's cheesy.
Overall, it's very good - now delete this thread/have it locked as your PS will be copied and you will be in for a lot of hassle if it's picked up by the UCAS monitors.

PS. I'm applying for chem too Smile
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