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my personal statement
#1
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Fristly I would like to say sorry to hear about your fathers death and hopefully you are recoving from that.

I'm not sure if you can actually post your personal statement on the forum..ohh well does matter.

I'll give you what I think of your personal statement...

First impression..it look very short and needs more in it and since your on your gap year you should include more about what your doing in your gap year...gaining any experience in accounting? etc

Frist paragraph - not really much of a introduction here..it goes striaght your struggles and about your father. I think this information is great to put in but maybe not in the opening paragraph of your personal statement. First paragraph ends with 'As predicted my...' is there something missing there?
This paragraph drags a bit maybe try to reduce it.

Second paragraph - Is more of a introduction..I would put that at the beginning and move the other paragraph down.

You said it allow you to see the insight of accountancy...but what kind of skills did you see there that you needed??? Organisation? Time management? etc..

'My own research into the profession has only reinforced my passion and enthusiasim motivating me...' this sentance tell that you have reseached..but how did you research? And what in your research made you more motivated?

This paragraph can be split into 2 and one telling you why accountancy (indroduction) and the next talking about your research..work experience thats reinforced your choice.

Next paragraph - You talk about your amibtion, but I think thats better of at the end, to conclude your personal statement.

Next section starting with 'During my time in sixth...'
You say you have matured but how is that? What made you more mature?

Any thing you've done when at 6th form?? prefect? etc..

Where is your extra activies? Leisure activities? Duke of Edinburgh anything? That you enjoy doing...

'I hope that you have analysed this piece carefully enough...' I dont like it... Your telling them dto do their job carefully...

This is all my views, but you do not need to take up any ideas that i have passed on.

I hope you all the best with your application

Good luck
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