Personal statement first paragraph

[Belle Noire]

Willa - 2004-09-13 10:46 PM

You use "I" too much. Try to make a statement about all of that and say at the end "It is areas like this which greatly fascinate me".

Whenever I've written sentences like, "It is areas like this which greatly fascinate me," I'm usually told (by my English teacher) to cut out the useless words:

"Areas like this greatly fascinate me."

Also, I agree that you used I too much, but when you make the changes, I don't think that it automatically means that everything should be written in passive voice, like the example given. It just wouldn't sound right.