13/12/2006, 10:22 PM
You're talking about yourself too much. Opening paragraph ok but talk more about history and politics as a discipline to study. Get rid of the first line - it's about you. Start off with something punchy and original about history - maybe an event or era that really interests you and you know a lot about. Perhaps say that the present day and the past are enterwined somehow.
Second paragrraph is a bit wishy washy. History is a popular subject, you need to stand out more!
My opening paragraph was
Opinions, ideas and knowledge of history are influenced and shaped through heritage and archaeological sites, museums, buildings, and remains. Therefore, to have the ability to define heritage is crucial to ensure our capability to interpret our great past. The establishment of prominent sites, such as Stonehenge, Grimes Graves and Blenheim Palace, demonstrate the importance of museums and heritage management to maintain a national and international interest in our past.
I've already had 3 offers and still waiting to hear about the rest so my ps must have made a good impression.
Good luck.
Second paragrraph is a bit wishy washy. History is a popular subject, you need to stand out more!
My opening paragraph was
Opinions, ideas and knowledge of history are influenced and shaped through heritage and archaeological sites, museums, buildings, and remains. Therefore, to have the ability to define heritage is crucial to ensure our capability to interpret our great past. The establishment of prominent sites, such as Stonehenge, Grimes Graves and Blenheim Palace, demonstrate the importance of museums and heritage management to maintain a national and international interest in our past.
I've already had 3 offers and still waiting to hear about the rest so my ps must have made a good impression.
Good luck.