03/10/2004, 08:29 PM
I'd just jiggle your phrasing around a bit to make it start more punchily. The ideas here are good, but it's a bit of a weak start.....so how about this?
History shapes the foundations of social and cultural behaviour. I do not live in the false illusion of an eternal present, believing that humanity began with my birth, for me the knowledge of a country’s history is key to unlocking its social make-up and identity. It is because of this that I want to study history at university. It impassions me to able to unravel the past like a detective story, dissecting other historians’ interpretations to events and forming my own.
History shapes the foundations of social and cultural behaviour. I do not live in the false illusion of an eternal present, believing that humanity began with my birth, for me the knowledge of a country’s history is key to unlocking its social make-up and identity. It is because of this that I want to study history at university. It impassions me to able to unravel the past like a detective story, dissecting other historians’ interpretations to events and forming my own.